it feels like today, and the surrounding days, have been my last few days of true freedom.
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being free, and this is loosely based on a definition that i read somewhere in a book, is ‘the ability to walk away from something with ease’.
it’s the lack of attachment and the ability to leave something behind: there’s no dependence.
freedom is also light, happy and joyful.
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it feels like i’ve had my last few days of that happiness. which, ironically, i’ve spent pretty miserably. so maybe i never was truly free at all.
it’s my gcse year and i’ll start studying pretty soon. that’ll be every single day for the next three and a half months: studying.
it’s a long stretch. it’s a hard stretch. i know i can do it, but i’ll deal with all of that another time. the focus for this piece is freedom.
it’s important for me to retain and keep my freedom throughout this long haul. i can’t lose myself to academics, i need to stay free and grounded.
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the reason it’s felt like these days specifically are my last few days of freedom is because it’s the february break.
i know that once i go back, i’ll be studying and working and revising and everything.
this last weekend is all i have, really.
(it isn’t, but i’m gonna be melodramatic.
on that topic, stream melodrama by lorde)
how to retain freedom?
1. little things are important.
keeping touch with the little things: drinking lemonade, reading, hanging out with friends, watching films.
those little but relaxing activities are imperative. they can change for person to person, but they are simply small delights that encourage happiness.
you lose the little things and you lose yourself.
2. learning to be alone is massively important.
if you can be alone, you can do anything.
people truly underestimate the importance of being alone. of spending time getting to know who you are, what you want, how you love etc.
being comfortable with being alone (and this is very different from being lonely) is essential to being free.
3. habits
if you have strong habits and systems, you’ll be okay.
if you have a strong sleep schedule, a morning routine, a skincare routine etc, you’ll be okay. those things keep you grounded and preserve your energy.
i need to work on that. my sleep schedule specifically. i guess you lose that whenever you a. meet someone or b. have a break from school.
you don’t need to lose all your freedom.
when you go back to busy life, school or work, it doesn’t need to become monotonous. you don’t need to lose touch of who you are.
you can retain your freedom.
you can still enjoy the little things, take breaks, sleep lots etc.
you can still be happy, light and able to walk away from things without feeling attached.
balance in three things.
balance in three specific things is essential to freedom. it all works with balance.
you need to balance academics, life and self.
what even is academics, life and self?
academics: school, studying, exams etc.
life: friends, family, commitments, whatever it means to truly be alive.
self: skincare, sleep schedule, exercise, diet etc.
if you can find a balance that suits you between those three areas, i think you’ll be okay.
i feel like i need to snap out of it. and yes that was an arctic monkeys reference (in about 3 and a half months i’ll be at their concert in some random field in sheffield and i am buzzing)
i’m not focused enough. or concentrated enough. i’m way too distracted. i don’t want this to seem negative, but right now it’s the harsh truth.
in my mind, i’m too focused on having fun. i’m distracted with people and things.
i need to snap out of that and focus on my future.
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there was a time where i was obsessed with my future: routines were incredibly consistent, i was studying hard, and i was seeing improvements.
but now? i feel like i’ve lost that focus.
which is okay, to an extent. i can’t be 100% all the time.
but i need to snap out of it and get that back.
i need to start focusing on my life, my studies and my future.
all of this is pretty daunting.
it hasn’t even registered for me that i have the biggest year (well, few months) of my life coming up. this is my gcse year.
and it’s scary. it’s intense. and this is me, so i can’t imagine how other people feel. i just hope i handle it pretty well.
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but i need to remember that my life hasn’t even started yet.
i’m young, i’m sixteen. my life hasn’t even started yet.
yes, this is a big year, but i’m also young and i’m allowed to make mistakes and have fun. i’m allowed.
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i’m just gonna go with it.
study hard, have fun and let whatever happen happen
